I have decided, I really, really, f**king hate MS/Fibro/Heart; I really do! I have been feeling sorry for myself over the past day cause I had to fill in two lousy garden beds (each was 4'by10') on Wednesday, as I just can't do the work involved with the gardening. It was very upsetting to me to have to give in to this stupid disease; I like being in control! I spent Wednesday pulling the flowers out of the garden beds, and moved them into the veggie bed that is behind those two. Its about 25'by 12', and at this rate I will probably have to fill them in next year:( I got almost everything moved except for two very large hosta's, and spent half of the time crying while doing it. I need to give myself a swift kick in the butt, as I know that there are so many people out there in much worse shape than I am, but right now, I just see one more layer of my independence being ripped away.
Now I am up at 4am writing this because I was too sore to lie in the bed any longer! Guess I overdid it yesterday. Today, whenever the pain medication kicks in will be spent in bed trying to catch up, and let my body rest. It does give me time to think about where this illness is going to take me down the road...it seems to be progressing very quickly, but I know (hope) that I will feel so much better in the winter months. I hate the cold, snow and ice, but I do physically feel like I can do more, or at least in the past I have.
Well, just wanted to get that little rant off my chest, hubs wasn't exactly a huge support when he came home and saw what I was doing. All he said was "Oh, filling in the gardens are you?" and then he went to the YMCA. You would think that after all of these years being together, he would have realized how traumatic it is for me to have to put grass seed out rather than flower seeds! I thankfully, have a good group of ladies in an online Yahoo group that are in the same boat physically as me. I can go there and bitch all I want (if I have the energy to type that is) and they KNOW what I am going through.
Wooly hugs to you my precious blogging friends,
Trudy
PS Cyndi, Cindy, and Rondell..I just noticed that your packages are still in the back of the car, I haven't actually mailed them out to you yet. Please forgive me, I will get them in the post by the weekend:(
Now I am up at 4am writing this because I was too sore to lie in the bed any longer! Guess I overdid it yesterday. Today, whenever the pain medication kicks in will be spent in bed trying to catch up, and let my body rest. It does give me time to think about where this illness is going to take me down the road...it seems to be progressing very quickly, but I know (hope) that I will feel so much better in the winter months. I hate the cold, snow and ice, but I do physically feel like I can do more, or at least in the past I have.
Well, just wanted to get that little rant off my chest, hubs wasn't exactly a huge support when he came home and saw what I was doing. All he said was "Oh, filling in the gardens are you?" and then he went to the YMCA. You would think that after all of these years being together, he would have realized how traumatic it is for me to have to put grass seed out rather than flower seeds! I thankfully, have a good group of ladies in an online Yahoo group that are in the same boat physically as me. I can go there and bitch all I want (if I have the energy to type that is) and they KNOW what I am going through.
Wooly hugs to you my precious blogging friends,
Trudy
PS Cyndi, Cindy, and Rondell..I just noticed that your packages are still in the back of the car, I haven't actually mailed them out to you yet. Please forgive me, I will get them in the post by the weekend:(
I'm so sorry you are feeling so much pain. Here is a big hug for you from Kansas.... ~*HUG*~
ReplyDeleteSmiles,
Betty
Please don't worry about the package being mailed...just rest today and get better:)
ReplyDeleteHugs to you,
Rondell
TRUDY,
ReplyDeleteHERE IS ALSO A BIG HUG FOR YOU FROM SOUTH CAROLINA ~*HUG*~
EVERYONE NEEDS SOME LOVE SOMETIMES.AND I AM SENDING YOU MINE.GET SOME REST TODAY AND HOPE YOU GET FEELING BETTER.YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS TODAY.
Trudy, my heart cries for you! You've been such a special friend to me and you had the foresight to set up our Fibro board so we have a place to complain/bitch/whine/moan without being seen by others as complainers.
ReplyDeleteI was like you yesterday. Pool has started again for us but in just playing three warm-up games with my husband, I was exhausted and wiped out to the point of my leg shaking. Yesterday, I collapsed. The minute I got Gerry out the door to work, I went back to bed and stayed there until 11 a.m., going back to bed again for an hour at 4.
I HATE feeling like this -- no energy, pain all over and the frustration at not being able to get my life back the way I wanted. As my leg heals, the fibro has come back with a vengence. And now, when I really need help, Gerry sees me getting around better and thinks I don't need that help any more.
I wish I lived close enough to you to help you groom and maintain your flower beds ~~ because I know how much they mean to you! But with these nasty diseases, we have to pick our battles.
Hopefully, once the pain meds kick in and you feel a bit better, the rest will look better too and you won't feel so down. I'm here for you whenever you need me, Trudy. Somehow, together, we'll manage!
With affection, love and a very, very gentle hug.
JoJo
Thanks Guys,
ReplyDeleteThe hugs make it feel better somehow! I am heading to the doctor this afternoon, but he wont have any miracle cures.
Thanks again,
Trudy
Trudy,
ReplyDeleteHere is a hug from NH,Hope you feel better soon, I cannot relate to what you are going through other than I have had some really bad spells with crohns that have brought me to some really low points never mind housebound with no life
Lorrie -NH
Oh, Miss Trudy ~ I hope you're feeling better today. I am a gardener, so I know how bad you must feel about giving them up and I know you must be feeling like you're giving in to the illness. But you are smart enough to know your limits and that should go a long way to helping you next year ~ when spring comes, those particular gardens are something you won't have to deal with!! I'll be your cheerleader, girlfriend!! Hang in there ~ and as far as the insensitive husband ~ we've all got them at one point or another ~ no matter how cute they are!!
ReplyDeleteLove ya ~ Alice
You have every right to be mad!
ReplyDeleteHowsomever, my only ailment is being too fat and trying to fill in two 4x10 garden beds would do me in too!
Be a little easier on yourself, and know we're there with you!
Hugs~
I am going through the stages of a diagnosis at this point. I have been told Lupus, MS, RA .. . I understand your "rath". I hope you get to feeling better soon.
ReplyDelete